Confusion

It has been a tradition for me that all my crush are my inspiration to study lessons, make blog entries, and create anything artistic.

These extraordinary species are my sources in making my everyday life innovative...but, somehow, I deviated my feelings towards someone who was supposedly part of my CRUSH LIST (let us name this specie 'a friend').

I got too close to the point of hooking myself to 'a friend'. I never thought it could be so hard, awkward, and confusing at the same time and a lot more...It was not my intention to fall for 'a friend' which is, for me, not ethical. However, I can't control how I feel.

I wrote this when I was at Tambayan, while 'a friend' and I had a little misunderstanding.

I'm feeling the pain every time the air touches my skin...my facade...
I, once upon a time, believed that "myself is the only place where I can only be mine", but why am i feeling the complete opposite?

Now, convince me, is myself the only place where I can only be mine?
Because I can't convince my 'own' anymore...

I need serenity...I need respect...I need PEACE...

I'm Drunk!

Hahahaha! I just finished drinking 1 long-neck Tanduay, so if ever there are grammatical errors and incorrect spelling just leave a comment and I'll update it as soon as possible, okay..?

In addition, I just finished writing the next entry that I will be posting on my blog soon (that is tomorow). I am super duper depressed now...I don't know what I am feeling, and what I must be feeling...(confusing sa..? hahaha!) Anyhow, since my life has been a very big issue here in our place, especially to my friends (are you really my friends..?), Here's the snitch...

Welcome to Ricky's Dictionary

To start of, let us define the words thing, crush, inlove, and gay:

thing - could be living or non-living things

crush - is a thing (most often a person or an animal) that I got jealous of because of somthing(s) that he/she/it have that I don't have...more like an admiration in a negative way

inlove - an awkward feeling (it could either be nice, or weird) towards a person, and not a thing

gay - are those person who indulge with sexual intercourse with the same sex
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Now that you know what these words mean, I'll tell you guys the real THING:

• I have a lot of crushes, and I publicly tell it to anybody.
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• I am definitely not inlove with my crushes, because if I am, I should have not vulgar it to anyone (What do you think of me, STUPID..? I know what DAMAGE CONTROL means Sucker!)
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• I am not gay! I am totally aware that I often tell to you guys (my friends) that "I just had sex with a man" or "I just had a customer who paid me big time, so I gave him an extra hour"...bla bla bla, but if you really are my friends would you believe in this kind of BULLSHIT!!? Are you really my friends..?
  
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• I am also aware of what and how I act in front of you guys (my friends), and anybody else, but that's me...and I can't change for you to like me...this is who I am, and who I am is the BEST in me!
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• If you still think that I'm gay, that's because your pea-brain is already covered with f***ing incorrect definition of what gay really means. Do you really think that if a person has a soft wavy voice, a demure disposition, a fashionable style, or a shaky butt while walking is GAY!!? Then you are nothing but a STUPID, UNEDUCATED, DICKHEAD person who unknowingly F****ED up your own life because you do not even know what's the real meaning of the said words above. Now before you try to criticize me and spread the unreal gossip, try to make an insight if what you will be doing is the right thing, or the RIGHT thing..? (Get it..?) If you still don't get it, KILL yourself ASSHOLE!!!
  

Woooh! that's it! Thank God I'm DRUNK! By the way, sorry for the foul (profane) words above. I just couldn't stop my hands from typing...and it just breaks my heart...peace out